The Best Movies About Weird Sports

Down-and-out loser transforms his life through...wait for it...table tennis! Balls of Fury follows Randy Daytona, an overweight child ping-pong star whose father was killed by the evil warlord 'Feng', as played by Christopher Walken dressed as a Chinese transvestite. Fast forward nineteen years and the overweight child star is an overweight underdog performing in a casino. But one day Randy is recruited by an FBI agent and drawn into the seedy world of underground table tennis (cue Star Wars theme music). After being trained by his slightly racist Asian mentor, Wong, Randy is prepared to face Feng in a deadly ping-pong tournament. Feng tries to lure Randy away from the faithful Wong to join his team of evillll. Chaos ensues as Randy tries to covertly alert the FBI to Feng's presence, all the while protecting his new love interest played by the toasty hot Maggie X. The movie is so ridiculous, the plot is so sloppy, and the jokes are so dumb that it feels like the director is laughing at you from behind the screen for wasting your hard-earned money on this stupid crap. But then again, the stupidity is was makes it so fun.

Producers aim ridiculously low in this wonderful homage to the sport played in school gymnasiums across the nation; Dodgeball. Vince Vaughn plays Peter, a lovable loser who owns a decaying gym which is slated to become a parking lot. That is, unless he can raise $50,000 to save it. He decides that the perfect way to save his beloved gym is to take the band of gym weirdos and transform them into a grade-A dodgeball team capable of winning money in a Vegas dodgeball tournament. Obviously, that's the perfect plan. But a dastardly corporate mogul (Ben Stiller) puts together a professional, slightly homosexual-looking team (The Purple Cobras) to compete in the tournament and stop Peter's team (The Average Joes). After a gruelling training in which Vince Vaughn throws wrenches at his team, the Average Joes improbably meet success in the competition and eventually face the Cobras in an epic battle which they predictably win. Brownie points for the irrelevant yet perversely funnyscenes of Ben Stiller in a fat suit.

This movie epitomizes the “so-bad-it's good” theme. In the film, we follow Jonathan Cross (Chris Klein), a lover of extreme sports. Sometimes it's like Hollywood isn't even trying anymore, because we all know from American Pie that Chris Klein is a choir-joining p***y. Nonetheless, he is recruited by Alexi Petrovich (Jean Reno) to star in his invention… drum roll please … Rollerball! Jonathan accepts the offer with some apprehension, although it’s tough to spot the apprehension because Chris Klein's expression never changes. What is Rollerball? The gist is that the players are on Rollerblades trying to get a heavy metal ball into a goal that lies high above the field. Motorcyclists ride in circles so that players can grab onto them and increase momentum. And there are no rules, because the game is just that extreme. Jonathan’s career skyrockets, and as the season progresses he realizes what CNN, Fox and every other news station across America has cknown for decades; bloodshed increases ratings. By the time Alexi bribes members of different teams to start shwacking each other out on the field, the game gets so extremely dangerous that Jonathan worries about what song to sing at his friend's funeral. In the final game, Jonathan and his team have to fight for mere survival against their toughest and most extreme opponent; Alexi Petrovich. The best part about this movie is that it pretty much ended Klein’s career. Another good reason to see it is the cameo by a roided-out LL Cool J dressed in red-and-black leather and wearing elbow and knee pads. Awesome.

This is either a “I-am-so-obsessed-I-just-pissed-myself” kinda film or a “This-movie-should-have-gone-straight-to-DVD” kinda film. Starring Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, BASEketball is a movie about the greatest game ever created by two losers. In the film, Coop and Remer (Parker and Stone) invent a new game while playing basketball with baseball rules. The game soon becomes a huge success and they form the Professional Baseketball League where everyone gets paid the same and no one can change cities. Horray for socialism! Clearly Parker and Stone are having the times of their lives shooting this movie. First, they take absolutely nothing seriously. Second, they get to be famous professional athletes in a brand new sport with rules such as “psych-out,” where a player from one team gets inside the head of the opposing shooter by taunting, mooning, or excessively swearing. You don’t even have to be in shape to play this sport as long as you can still shoot a basketball. I think we have a winner. In case the movie was too bizarre for audiences to tolerate, the producers hedged their bets by casting Jasmine Bleeth and Jenny McCarthy, so there is plenty of T&A to supplement the antics of our two beer-guzzling heroes. And Squeak (Dian Bachar) plays the perfect little b**ch boy for Parker and Stone. Put simply, this is the ultimate frat-boy movie of the 1990s.

This movie is freakin’ sick. Roy Munson (Woody Harrleson) plays a famous bowling champion who gets his bowling hand cut off after trying to hustle the wrong guys. As a result, his archrival, Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray), goes on to win all the fame and glory. Seventeen years later, Munson is an unsuccessful bowling equipment salesman with a rubber hand. While traveling on business he meets Ishmael (Randy Quaid), a young Amish man who is a natural born bowler. Munson convinces Ishmael to come with him on the professional bowling circuit. While Woody and Randy are more than solid, it is Bill Murray’s performance in the final tournament, ranting and raving like a toddler with a bad hairpiece, that steals the show. As if that weren’t enough, the Farrelly Brothers, the film's directors, also throw in a couple of well-timed cameos from the Blues Brothers and Roger Clemens. Another plus, the voluptuous Vanessa Angel strutts back and forth in skin-tight clothing. Be grateful that you're not missing a hand like Woody. Sandwiched in between Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary, many Farrelly brothers’ fans often forget about Kingpin, but it is classic raunch and shouldn’t be overlooked.

Here’s the formula: Jamaicans + Bobsled + John Candy = Instant Classic. The plot of this movie will only make you dumber. Basically, after Leon (Derice Bannock) trips during a trial sprint and loses his chance to qualify for the 1988 Olympics, he decides to start a bobsled team with three other athletes, including the guy who tripped him. No that's some inspirational sportsmanship right there, even if it is the dumbest thing we've ever heard. The problem? They are from Jamaica and know nothing about bobsledding. That doesn’t stop them from enlisting the help of aptly-named bobsled coach, Irv Blitzer (John Candy), who is working as a bookie in a pool hall. John Candy as a bobsled coach? Feel your brain cells disintegrating yet? Ultimately this movie follows a Rocky-esque style formula, as the Jamaicans put up a good show but crash dramatically before the finish. Led by Leon, they pick up their sled and carry it across the finish line with the cheers of the fans echoing in their ears.

Here’s a premise: Hockey player competes for the Olympics, gets hurt, loses his balls, and becomes a figure skater. Need to hear more? In Paul Michael Glaser’s The Cutting Edge, NHL prospect Doug Dorsey (D.B. Sweeney) loses his peripheral vision, so his professional hopes are basically f****d. Concurrently, no figure skater will partner up with the foxy Moira (Kate Moseley), most likely because most male figure skaters are gay and can’t appreciate her hotness. But for the sake of the plot, we are supposed to think it's because she has a bad attitude. Out of options, Kate’s coach recruits Doug as a potential partner despite the fact that he has absolutely no figure skating experience. Whew. For a second there we thought Doug was going to be a total poon. Initially, Kate nixes this idea and tries to get rid of Doug by acting like a total beotch. Doug, however, has a strong work ethic (and no one else to hump), so he stays. After a while, he even starts to like figure skating, and probably apple martinis. This is where things start to get a little “Hollywood.” The pair of skaters, bound together by mutual respect/hatred, undergo a grueling training process for the U.S. National championships. Eventually, they hate each other so much that they fall in love, and the movie ends one scene short of what must have been the most volatile, volcanic sex ever experienced by two mortals. I'd lace up my skates for that anyday.

It is hard to find a movie these days with sunny, warm-hearted, feel-good fuzziness. Well this movie is oozing with it, including Dennis Quaid in a supporting role that is so over the top we wonder if he thinks he is in a Naked Gun movie. In Breaking Away, Dave Stohler (Dennis Christopher) is a nineteen-year-old high school graduate who pals around with his three friends, Cyril, Moocher, and Mike. They make quite the foursome, starting fights with local college kids and struggling to come to terms with their working-class roots. Upon graduation, the big question hits Dave; what is he going to do with his life? The answer: become a champion bicyclist and race against Italians, of course! Dave becomes so obsessed with his new passion that he takes up the Italian culture, much to the annoyance of his friends and parents, who, like Dave, are all from Indiana. He even poses as an exchange student to mask his working-class roots from his love interest. Just when we think he is ready to make a run for the Papacy, Dave gets his big chance to leave his past behind and race against the Italian riders he worships, much to the chagrin of Dennis 'Meatball-Face' Quaid. Cut to montage with inspirational music.

In The Hustler, Paul Newman plays “Fast Eddie” Felson, an arrogant pool player who spends all his time hustling with his partner, Charlie Burns. At the beginning of the film, Eddie decides that the time has come to step it up and compete with the big boys. He challenges renowned pool player Minnesota Fats (Jackie Gleason), a man who supposedly can’t be beaten. In a grueling forty-hour marathon, Felson hits both highs and lows. By the end of the first day, Eddie is up $18,000, but refuses to quit until Fats gives up. “I beat you all night and I’m gonna beat you all day!” he says. Not exactly subtle, even for a hustler. Then Fats takes Eddie to man school. He wisely starts shooting bourbon, so Eddie starts drinking as well. By the end of the game, Eddie is obliterated and has lost every cent he owns, along with his pride, courage, and self-respect. Fats on the other hand, all the richer, looks ready for church with Granny. Slowly, Eddie regroups. He kicks his bumbling old manager to the curb despite the fact that he is a senior citizen and has nowhere to go. With the help of his weird, plain, crippled girlfriend Sarah (Piper Laurie), Eddie slowly builds up his self-esteem and self-worth. Very s.l.o.w.l.y. In the end, he ignores Sarah's advice and she kills herself. Just when things couldn’t get any worse, he challenges Fats again. This time he doesn’t drink at all, and he wins. Newman was nominated for an Oscar for his performance, as were Gleason, Scott, and Laurie, along with director Robert Rossen. If Newman had won the first game while wasted, he probably would have won the Oscar as well.